“Das ist schoooon.”

“So schooon.”

I finally signed up for an art class here. It’s taken me two years to find a time and place that works with my schedule. Really, it’s the only place I could find in Frankfurt that offers any kind of adult evening classes. Such a shame.

It’s just a basic drawing I class, but it’s been six years since I took an art class.

I was nervous – and doubted if I could still create art. I do some sketching here and there but I don’t have the intensity I once had. It’s like I don’t have the patience either, and I give up instead of spending time on a piece.

So every Wednesday after work, I’ve had to force myself to go to art class. I can come up with a ton of excuses as to why I shouldn’t go: it’s cold, I’m tired, we’re just doing easy stuff, I don’t understand. But also there’s a part of me that’s afraid to fail.

Art class is in this little shed in frau Schuh’s (shoe) backyard. There are six of us sitting around a table; another table with six students is next to ours–this is the advanced class. Frau Schuh  gives instruction only in German; I can tell by her tone that she uses old-style German when she talks.

I sit there the whole time guessing what to do, and ultimately doing what I think we’re supposed to be doing until someone tells me otherwise.

The first week, she told me “dunkel” (dark) and I told her I didn’t want to go darker. So she told me, “Ok. You’re an artist. You can do what you want.”

And actually, I’ve been living by that statement ever since!

Last week, she made us bring paprika (bell peppers), which we had to draw them with koal (charcoal). Two little known facts about me: I love drawing peppers and I love using charcoal.

It just so happens frau Schuh and the rest of the class fell in love with my pepper. She took a picture of it and told me not to touch it anymore as I was fine-tuning it (but, I’m an artist…). When I hastily shoved it in my book at the end of class, she told me to be careful with it. I think I might just give it to her, since it will end up tucked away in my basement.

She pulled out the roster and asked where I was from, if I did art at home, if I had ever used charcoal before.

Lady, this isn’t my first charcoal rodeo.

But, you know what? It felt good to get a little praise. So often I go through the day, doing my best work, and not getting any recognition.

This class has reminded me that it’s so necessary to step outside of my daily life, my work persona, and work on cultivating other skills.

I’m reminded that, like everything, art is a process and it takes time. And some days you have it, and some days you don’t.

While I’m used to class with music and wine, I’m glad I took frau Schuh’s class…and I’ve made a commitment to myself to start my own solo art class in my basement on Wednesday nights – with music and wine.

Because I’m an artist–and I can do what I want.