I came back from London on Monday from 5 intense days of the first module of my yoga teacher training.

I hate calling it a teacher training because I don’t think it adequately describes the reason why I’m taking it or all that I think I’ll get out of it.

I was physically and mentally exhausted when I got back to my Airbnb after each 9 hour day. It was all I could do to make dinner and study for the next day.

My brain was so full…there was so much processing going on.

That’s how I felt all week this week. Still analyzing and questioning everything.

One way I can describe it is: aware.

I became more aware of my body. Getting to sit on the floor all day, move around, eat lunch sitting in the park, practice adjusting others and having them adjust me. It felt like how our bodies are supposed to feel–a sharp contrast from standing at your desk or sitting in meetings all day.

I sweat so much that my sweat was dripping on my classmates, theirs was dripping on me, and we were so tired and excited and nervous that it didn’t matter. I had to get close to strangers.

I became more aware of myself…and I know this awareness is only going to grow over the course.

I had to give a 5 min talk to the group about my paper. I thought it would be a piece of cake, as I’m used to presenting to hundreds of people…but it wasn’t. I’m finding that speaking about spiritual or personal things, sitting calmly, in a quiet room full of others also sitting, is not the same as standing on stage with a microphone, in heels, trying to jazz a crowd.

I have a lot to learn.

I also questioned my capability. Maybe I’m not cut out to do this. It’s one thing practicing yoga every day, but it’s completely different vocalizing a sequence, leading a class, assisting when necessary, leading the room.

I was out of my comfort zone every day.

The nerves didn’t go away.

I’m used to studying and performing well and I haven’t challenged myself in a while.I typically try to avoid failure, but I know this road will be paved with failures.

And as new and foreign and scary as it was, it was also just as exciting. I allowed myself to be a complete novice.

I’ve already seen a change in myself. I feel different. I don’t want to wear headphones when walking around town anymore. I want to take the awareness I gained and approach the world as a more aware, awake human.

If it’s only been one week, I can’t wait to see how I evolve over this journey…